Bottom after rock bottom

I woke up at 3am. I was in a bed but it wasn't mine. I don't recognise the place either.I had some cuts on my ankles and a little burn on my wrist . Isn't much painful though.I kept finding my phone for about an hour. I had to call my mother. She must be worried. I haven't gone home for almost a week now. I never used to stay out before. It started happening from a few months now. I sometimes feel like I'm not living in this world. And when I get calls from my mother I realise I'm here, right where I always was.

I don't remember most of these days. I wake up at different places, places that felt like heaven and hell. I don't remember dates and sometimes even years. That happens rare though. At times, I cry for being stupid. But most of the time I'm happy. Too happy to look back, too happy to look forward, into years from now when I'll long to live this again, this time, this age, these moments when I can actually feel things- good bad worse. I sometimes long to travel back in time and start again at the crossroads,  where I took this turn. For now I know where it will take me. I can see things clear from here. I see the illusion I've made of life. But all it does is take me down. Till I hit the rock bottom and down again after that because there is no end to this bottom.