I don't want my son to be me.

"My dad is my hero." My 8 year old son started his speech at his school annual day today. He sure was one proud boy to have a father like me. And you don't know that feeling in my heart right then. That pride you feel when you hear that from our little child. The whole world seems small enough  to fit in my emotions.  "He is my idol. I want to be like my father-honest and hardworking."  The prouder I was getting with each big word from his tender mouth, the harder it became for me to breathe. I could almost look through all these years and into him when he'd be me and all I could think is "I don't want my son to be me." I am the man I'd not want my daughter to marry.  Because I'd never be able to get her anything more than the money I never earned. Because I don't want her to be touched by filthy hands like mine that'd take money from people for doing what I'm supposed to. I'm the man I'd never want my son to come across in life. Because when he'd come to me all I'll look for in him is the price of my signature. I'm a corrupt officer. But I want my son to be the "honest and hardworking" man he thinks his father is. I wish I could tell him that his favourite rc helicopter is bought by that old man's money that he was saving from his pension to buy his 10 year old grandson a bicycle to go to school. But I can't.  Because he'll never understand what his smile means to me. He'll never understand money is more than just pieces of paper in this world.  He'll never know the cycle of Corruption that engulfed us  already and the way out of it is too dark. I don't want my son to hate me now. For I know it won't be too long before he's old enough to understand and start feeling ashamed of his hero. For his little proud shoulders should not carry this burden of guilt his father is going to carry all his life. "So I don't want my son to be me."